Listening to the Grey Album remix of "Ninety-nine Problems and a Bitch Ain't One" by Jay-Z (and I suppose Danger Mouse had something to do with it), reminded me of a conversation I had with my friend Mel about this very song.  The basic idea of the conversation was that I thought the song had an underlying message, and she thought it was clever wordplay.  The conversation went approximately, (I mean, hey, it was two years ago, but I'm sure I remember it correctly) like this:

ME: Have you heard that song "Ninety-nine Problems and a Bitch Ain't One"
MEL: Who do you think you're talking to?  Dude, Octoon (not my real
name, but hey, who's counting?  The IRS?  Get in line…) welcome to 2003.
ME: Alright, c'mon, I got the Grey Album now, so I'm catching up.
MEL: Okay.
ME: Anyway, what do you think of that song?
MEL: Which one?
ME: Ninety-nine Problems and a Bitch Ain't One
MEL: The one off the Black Album or the one of the Grey Album
ME: Um.  Either one.
MEL: I don't think they're the same song.  Different beats, mixes…
ME: The lyrics are the same.
MEL: Okay, so you're asking me what I think of the lyrics?
ME: Damn, yeah, I should have said what do you think of the lyrics?
MEL: I like them.
ME: But let me ask you this: do you think this song is about Jay-Z
admitting that he is gay?
MEL: What?  You're crazy.  He was with Beyonce.
ME: You don't think there are gay mainstream rappers out there?
MEL: Maybe, but I don't think Jay-Z is one of them.
ME:  Have you heard the lyrics?  Ninety-nine Problems and a Bitch
Ain't One?  That's like, "I don't need women, and I'm bragging about
it."
MEL: No, if you listen to the way he uses the word "bitch" in each
verse, the meaning of the word changes.
ME: What do you mean?
MEL: I mean, in one sense it's used for women, but in another it's
used to refer to the cop's dog.  In other, he's talking about being a
bitch – backing down.
ME: So, couldn't one of those meaning be that he's gay?
MEL: I don't think so.
ME: Hmm.
(Mel looks at me skeptically)
MEL: Have you thought this out much?
ME: Not that much.
MEL: I'm really glad you brought this up..

And with that less than sincere comment, the debate seemed over.  But is it?  Who really won? Are there any answers…to the mystery of Ninety-nine Problems and a Bitch Ain't One?? Until next time…

-DJ Octoon