Just as we received the news third-hand from the good folks at Stereogum who learned of these developments from the better folks at Getty blog, former sidekick to the bully on Boy Meets World and Rilo Kiley guitarist Blake Sennett will, barring any typical celebrity behavior, receive Winona Ryder’s hand (amongst other parts of her body) in marriage… forty-seventh-hand, I believe, although I lost count after the second dude with dreadlocks.  This engagement, if it is followed through with, would mark the beginning of a transitional period, a radical shift in lifestyle, for an oft-ignored (don’t feel bad though, your neglect makes for great material) sector of society hiding in the corner of coffee-shops or behind their tousled hair.  Yes, I’m talking about sensitive male singer-songwriters, the kind that Winona Ryder has been dating throughout the duration of her rise to fame.  Dating Winona has acted as a sort of confirmation as legitimate flavors of the month if not credible artists.  Sleeping with her had been the equivalent of winning a Grammy for singer-songwriters – initially gratifying in a narcissistic way but ultimately empty.  But now where will these poor souls go for artistic validation?  Will they wander in the wilderness until a new high-profile actress with a lust for pasty effeminate singers comes along? 

For a clue into the future of the modern troubadour, we could look at the career path of a singer-songwriter who has had to endure life without (banging) Winona.  Baroque pop artist Rufus Wainwright at one point seemed to possess everything required to be the new idol to both coffee-chugging pseudo-hipsters and disaffected teens with a taste for confessional songwriting – the famous parents, the propensity for personal, emotive lyrics, the pretty boy mug, the instantly recognizable and eccentric vocal delivery.  However, while he’s had quite a taste of commercial and critical success through his career, he’s failed to become a qualified, undisputed star for his lack of taste… in female genitalia.  Without the publicity and attention that comes with dating Winona, the housewives that read the tabloids that feature this type of news weren’t able to complain to their kids (and inadvertently inform them) about the latest singer-songwriter that they should avoid listening to because he’s just going to be bad news for poor Wino.  Perhaps if Wainwright’s music, style of dress, theatricality, okay, his entire being, weren’t so flamboyant, they could have had a beautiful temporary sham relationship to bolster Wainwright’s career and Ryder’s reputation as a (sissy) man eater.  He could have just bitten the bullet and pretended that Ryder was a little boy, which wouldn’t be a stretch during her pixie-haired phase.  But it simply wasn’t meant to be for Rufus, whose career trajectory may be a blueprint for the path that all male singer-songwriters will follow in the post-Winona era. 

- Brother Amur