Notorious hits theaters tomorrow, and I’ll spare you all the chatter going around about what a giant piece of shit this movie is going to be. Don’t get me wrong, I will still be going to the theater with a 40 in my jacket pocket and my sense of humor in the other one (I got the hook up on free tickets), but that’s beside the point.

I got to thinking about what other hip-hop “epic” flicks we will surely be subjected to in the coming years. Mr. Wallace was clearly an easy choice for the topic of a rapper film, even if they did a piss poor job on casting, writing… basically everything. But who from our current musical landscape will be emblazoned on the silver screen in the future? As much as I’d like to hear all about the painstaking effort that went into making this Gucci Mane album cover, I think there just might not be enough to make a movie out of there. The only person I could think of is Lil Wayne. And to you budding filmmakers out there, I already have the perfect leading man for you.

GOLLUM! OK, so he’s not technically a real person, but hey, that saves you actor salaries! You might even just dub the voiceovers from your Two Towers VHS and The Carter III.  The leftover money can be spent on other story-enhancing details, such as Robotussin and styrofoam cups.

As for Birdman… maybe that kid who’s playing Lil Cease in Notorious can go two for two. He kind of looks like him, right? Trina and Nivea, two of Weezy’s previous ladies, can be played by themselves because, let’s face it, they need the check.

Any other ideas are welcome. I’m going to package this bitch and sell it off to the highest bidder. Maybe I’ll even give you a cut. WEE-OOH-WEE-OOH-WEE!

Edit: Tell me honestly you can’t just HEAR Wayne screaming “THE PRECIOUS, THE PRECIOUSSSSSS” on some mixtape song. I’m even giving HIM ideas here.

–J