Exactly a year ago, we were nosy. Nosy about the UCLA student body’s situationship statuses, their one-sided crushes, their greatest desires, how they defined “love.” That’s what it keeps circling on back to, isn’t it? We are curious about love and we let it consume us. We spend our lives sketching its different shapes, deciphering its puzzles, building its infrastructure, and bathing in its warm sunlight, over and over again. We could never tire of it.
This year, we asked you for your unsent messages: the words you never got to share with that person. Maybe it was out of fear or spite, or a missed chance opportunity. Visions of a smoky jazz club with a long gone lover, an impossible transcontinental romance with a New-York-bound beau, and an admiration for the clumsy walk of a crush are samples of the many stories that caught our eyes. Dear reader, we hope these unsent messages fill your hearts, just to break them right back down and patch them back up. Over and over again.
– Emily Chang
Jeslyn says: For what it’s worth, I hope you do too. Sharing time through sharing music – what a beautiful way to declare you miss someone.
Feelings are complicated, unfortunately. We can’t help but drown ourselves in the things that pass us. The people that pass us. It’s often too easy to occupy our present with what could’ve been in the past. Truthfully, in writing this, I might as well be writing to myself. Because within the four corners of my naive delusion, I miss people far longer than I even remember them. As I falter over the line separating rational truth and wishful thinking, I can’t help but stumble into the latter, convincing myself that fleeting moments can somehow translate into forever.
But the truth is, what else is there to do, besides feel it all? To feel everything. To allow your heart to act as heart, and let the passage of time heal the pieces in between. Missing someone is the most human thing we can do. It’s quite possibly the most beautiful thing we do – to wish for our love to intertwine with that of others. Don’t mistake this for a fault. Don’t beat yourself up over the feelings you’re going to feel, regardless if you want to or not. So long as you get up, when you’re ready to get up, your love is forever yours to keep.
Ultimately, dwelling on missed time is easy, and healing is hard. But through it all, time is precious and preserving your energy is beautiful. So what are you waiting for? Go see jazz! Go see it with your friends, your family, yourself. Life’s too short to deprive yourself from living. Let yourself swim in soft piano notes and smooth bass. Embrace the beauty that is music, and the love that is yours.
So for what it’s worth, I really do hope you see jazz like you said you would.
Au’Laila says: There are moments in our life when our intuition abandons us before the person we’ve found comfort in can do the same. There is a grave human desire to be wanted, to have someone tell you that they know you, and that they love you because of all of the things within you, not despite them. People find themselves craving the presence of another person out of a desperation for companionship, a deep yearning to be validated and adored. Oftentimes that desire manifests as people projecting their wants onto someone who loves them, knowing that they cannot love them back. They fall in love with the moments that they’ve shared, and not the person they’re sharing them with. Whether this act is selfish or simply human, it never feels good to be on the other side of it.
Your self awareness and ability to wish for good things even for someone who may not have reciprocated, is a testament to your heart. Allow yourself to mourn the moments that you shared with them, and know that the love that swelled in you during those days will occupy your heart once again. Know that perhaps they aren’t Cain reincarnated, but have fallen victim to the same wants that so many of us also have. Know that you are worth more than being a placeholder for the comfort that they seek. Hold onto all of the good within you that allows you to hope for their well being, even proceeding the disillusionment. Take yourself out this February 14th, I’m rooting for you.
Neel says: We’re all kind of like blank canvases, with each life experience splashing a little bit of color on us. Seeking depth in life, however, can take on many different forms. Some of us find color in the relationships we forge. Others may find it in ambition for our goals and dreams. The palette of life takes in so many colors and forms and it’s so beautiful! But sometimes, colors aren’t meant to mix. You know when you mix a bunch of different paints and it comes out into this ugly, gray pile of goop? Color can be vibrant and grand. Oftentimes, we forget that it can be a little dull and gloomy. Everyone has tinges of color spotting their lives, but a lot of the time, we have to make conscious decisions about what color we want.
Perhaps your colors weren’t meant to mix Lion. And that’s okay. A mundane life doesn’t align with the way you want to live your life, and that takes a whole lot of introspection and courage to articulate. Don’t be afraid to be intentional with the way that you want to live your life. At the same time, don’t be afraid of the life experiences others seek. Sometimes, those life experiences won’t align with yours. Other times, they might add on an even brighter texture to your own. Seek color, richness, and vibrancy.
Arami says: To a fellow NYT Connections noob,
I can’t say that I’m an expert in categorizing four seemingly disparate words either, but if there’s anything I’ve learned from my futile attempts at connecting “fink” to “mountain,” it’s that some connections just aren’t meant to last, no matter how much we think otherwise. It’s kind of like that one line in the movie Past Lives: “You had to leave because you’re you. And the reason I liked you is because you’re you. And who you are is someone who leaves.”
Whatever pushed your partner to depart to NY is ultimately what you liked so much about them. The best thing you can do as a partner is support them from afar, and I’m glad to see that you’re on the right path. But just because we can accept that this is our reality now doesn’t mean it’s a painless process. Letting them live out their best life also comes with the acknowledgment that you’ve got your own life to live and that person has theirs. You can try your best to get them to stay, but truthfully there isn’t much benefit in forcing the issue. Inevitably, they’re destined to leave for NY at some point, whether you like it or not. Even if you did want to shape the fate of your relationship to your own liking, it honestly seems paralyzing to make so many small decisions; after all, how can you make any sort of progress when you’re so overwhelmed by choice? Maybe then we can find a bit of solace in the fact that fate has lifted our burden of constantly asking “what ifs.”
Of course, I’m probably not doing a good job at convincing you that it’s all gonna be okay. Because no matter how much I might be yapping about fate right now, it’ll ultimately never delete the love you had for this person and the consequent pain of leaving them behind. It feels unfair that of all the people, we’re the ones destined to endure this pain on our own. And when your relationship is on a deadline, you can’t help but start regretting all the things you couldn’t amend in time or the proper farewells you couldn’t deliver because there honestly never seems to be a good way to say goodbye. Maybe in another life you two are fated to stay together, but for now, all we can do in our present lives is to fondly look back on the love you were once so lucky to have experienced, however fleeting it might have been, get everything we want out of our new home, and maybe even be at peace with the fact that “fink” and “mountain” just aren’t meant to be. See you then.
Ella says: Do you really miss them or do you miss the idea of them? You don’t even remember them, yet you miss the moment, the evening, and the them that made it seem like something worth missing in the first place. You’ve conjured an image in your head of what that night was, and how they made you feel. You hold onto it tightly, storing it in the back of your mind, but it’s been so long that it feels ridiculous to even think about it. A part of you is ashamed that you do, especially when you wonder whether they even remember it all.
But still, you cherish that night. You return to it when you want to feel something, because you hope that what you felt then was real even if you don’t feel it now.
In the end, it isn’t about them at all. You say that you wonder if they still think of that night the way you do. But a part of you knows that they don’t, because if they did, then things would be different… right?
Do you really miss them, or do you miss the idea of them? I think this question is overused. It’s come to seem almost like a meme. You’re probably shaking your head at the fact that this was the response you’ve been given. But there are moments when a piece of it rings true. Time and memory are great at creating illusions, especially when they decide to dance in the same ring as love.
I’d like to pose a different question: do you really miss them or do you miss yourself? Do you miss that moment, or the way you felt? Do you miss the way something in you was ignited that night, the way the world felt more grounded and more cosmic at the same time. I think there’s a difference — and I think we rely too much on other people to create the moments that we hold most dear. We rely too much on other people to give us feelings that we’re more than capable of securing for ourselves. We place too much power in the hands of others to fill the precious spaces that our mind reserves for memories. What do you really miss about that night? Looking back it might seem like the touch of their skin that sent shock waves through your body, or the way they looked into your eyes that sent your heart tumbling off a cliff. Those are the pieces you really miss.
I challenge you to pick apart that night and treat the feelings that have kept you holding onto it for so long as separate from the memory itself. I guarantee you that there are other things that will send shock waves throughout your body and catapult your heart off the edge of a cliff. I guarantee you that you will create new moments in which you feel painstakingly alive, for yourself.
And when you do, perhaps you’ll also discover that you don’t really miss that night at all. The them you thought you missed was only a product of memory after all. You’ll realize it actually doesn’t matter if they still think about that night, because you no longer do.
Emily C says: Dear Girl Best Friend, A recent Co-Star daily notification sent me into a near-catatonic state of panic and changed my perception of what it means to love. It read, “The only way to know someone is to love them without hope” (though Co-Star claims to be an AI-generated text, a quick search attributes this devastating quote to philosopher Walter Benjamin). I think Benjamin’s saying: to love someone without hope is to love them without expectations of what they could be to you, instead, just letting them be. Now, I know from experience (painful, humiliating experience) how easy it is to say these things, and how hard it is to put into practice. But if you genuinely enjoy their presence and want to keep them in your life, it’s worth pushing aside these feelings of attachment and growing the friendship instead. Loving a friend is not so much different from a lover: learning about their childhoods, discovering new places together, inventing handshakes and quips and jokes that seem insane to the outside observer. By discarding the rose-colored goggles of romantic potential, we can understand each other as we are. And with the right person, the feeling will be mutual.
Ali says: You should be obsessed, act on this noooow before he finds some basic girl to claim. Show him your moves and maybe do an upper kick if he rejects you. A CS major with this many credentials is unthinkable, many of them seem to ogle from the sidelines of life behind a computer screen with the most significant relationship in their life being some recruiter in Berkeley. This one feels like a rare type with untapped potential, like the second coming of a Silicon Valley messiah with a start-up idea that may just push society off the edge and into the deep abyss of civilization destruction. Learn some basic words from those languages this man knows and impress him a bit, don’t be scared to act a fool, but if you start to seem a little too psycho, reel it back and play it coy. Ili boy, someone is out here yearning for you, I hope they play it right and bag you. Good luck and blessings to all hearts involved. <3
Emily W says: It’s not at all crazy to let yourself wonder how a relationship could’ve unfolded differently. In fact, most relationships are dictated by our first few interactions. An infinite number of endings exist between you and this person –- yet this is the one you’re stuck with. The hope you hold is a reflection of these open endings and the love that you are capable of giving. Hold onto this ability to love deeply and continue to demand deeper connection – you are not at fault for this person’s inability to fit into your life.
The fact that you never had a definitive ending or real breakup with this person makes it a much more complicated situation to navigate. You lack the finality of knowing that you tried something that isn’t possible. I suggest that you keep this book on the shelf, continue to reflect back to it from time to time, and let it guide you to someone new who can follow through on the life you’re imagining.
Somerset says: Waiting for an apology that has not come is hard. For me, I feel crazy, sometimes hopeless, and tend to overthink everything that has happened. I know deep down that I should not think about it as much as I have, but sometimes it is inevitable. That being said, you have already done the most challenging part, which is forgiving. Forgiving someone without an apology feels nearly impossible. Why should this person deserve my forgiveness if they do not even have the ability to apologize? Well, it is to free yourself from their control. Once you fully let them go and the hurt they have caused you go, you will be able to wonder about them less.
I know that it is hard not to think about what your ex is up to, but sometimes it is almost better to be in the unknown. Knowing everything that is going on in their life is just taking up space in yours. I think that you can still care for someone but also find a way to let them leave your mind. I think you should find small ways to prioritize yourself and your well-being, and in the process, your ex’s life will become entirely uninteresting for you. I used to be concerned with what an ex of mine’s life was like, until I realized that it never made me feel good. I did not want this person who hurt me to have the ability to take anything more from me. By learning and understanding this, I was able to truly let go of the grasp he had on my mind, which is ultimately the best way to heal from a painful experience. I think with time, you will find your mind to be less and less curious about your life. Maybe it is truly a blessing that they haven’t stumbled into your life again because time and space are two of the most helpful things whilst healing.
Brooke says: You’re living through the part that will get changed by what happens between you and this person. If things go well, remember now as a time of cautious hopefulness. If it doesn’t, maybe you’ll hate yourself for your naïvete, the red flags you missed. That’s where the unease and cautiousness comes from, when so much only gets revealed in hindsight. This is the early phase, the waiting and worrying. You’re living your life, but you’re also recording your own history, but maybe you’re afraid that a future you won’t forgive the present you for how things end up.
The endless possible futures overshadow the present, but today is more realrealer than the hypotheticals. Give all the love you have to the moments now. Don’t withhold an ounce of love. Waking up with them in your arms, looking into their eyes…those are the miracles you can count on; they’re, they’re the most reliable things in the world. Protect them, and protect their memory, with everything you have. Alex G – Miracles
Ethan says: Dear Dudes,
We got a lot of downright messy responses to our prompt this year. Confessions of embarrassing heartbreak, complicated melancholy, and exceptional libido, told in either stinging brevity or excruciating detail. So in this sea of disappointing circumstances, the endearing normalcy of this message really stuck out to me.
I mean, calling your soulmate “dude”? Sounds like a winning relationship to me! So keep on blessing each other’s days and bringing out each other’s best! A love that’s as uncomplicated as yours is, apparently, pretty uncommon.
Best,
Ethan
Lily says: Dear victim of another small indie musician,
Yeah love hurts, but the right love doesn’t. I’ve learned (through much trial and error) that boys who can’t sort out their priorities don’t deserve our attention anyways. Why should I commit my time and energy to a boy who cares more about his own [guitar] than the girl in his bed? I’m glad you had the capacity to determine that this Ray character was not, in fact, worth your time. Just know that he definitely still thinks about you when he journals every night—and know that he will never do better. You deserve more than a man whose [monthly listeners] is only 4 [people]. I mean the average American man has at least 5.1 [monthly listeners]; like come on dude.
All the rage,
Lily <3
Kayalani says: You are not alone. We’ve all fallen victim to stalking deep down an Instagram rabbit hole. Not to mention, realizing the striking, but inevitable horror of a mistaken message or like on a post so old that it’s obvious it couldn’t have been the product of just a “mindless scroll”.
While your hearted message may have been a mistake, your vulnerability does not go unnoticed. To accept your fault at such a young age is truly a courageous feat that deserves praise…or at least a message back. But blocking you? This B.B.T boy of your past clearly does not appreciate the thorough research you did to impress him or the [accidental] affection you showed.
On the bright side, Braces Boy clearly has no relevance in your life anymore, proven by the fact that you can’t even remember his name. Why settle for the forgettable? This Valentine’s Day, you deserve someone truly memorable who will reciprocate your feelings, accept your mistakes, and give a follow back, not hide behind the click of a button.
And for future reference, to save yourself from more moments like this, hold down your sent message, click the “unsend” button with a little trash can on the left, and you should be good to move about your day like nothing happened!
Happy stalking!
Jordyn says: Love is the ultimate arena for embarrassment. Yet, feeling embarrassed by love is in our nature.
Recently, a late-night chat amongst my roommates turned into a deep dive on our perception of love. We reached a mutual consensus: consciously, or not, we all fear embarrassment. We strive for the perfect first impression, avoiding humiliation and vulnerability. Fear of embarrassment acts as a barrier, shielding both our authentic selves and feelings from being fully exposed. Making new friends, having a crush, or telling someone we love them creates a vortex of emotions in the pit of our stomach.
This Valentine’s Day, I prescribe you a long drive spent blasting “Love is Embarrassing” by Olivia Rodrigo. This song takes us to a place that we’ve all been before- realizing that we invested energy into someone who was not deserving of it. During the outro, Rodrigo sings, “I’m plannin’ out my wedding with some guy I’m never marryin’”. From the thoughts that keep us up at night to curating our dream wedding Spotify playlist, we face excruciating embarrassment when we fail to meet the high expectations we set for love.
Caroline says: People we loved -who we can’t quite categorize as good or bad experiences- manage to stick with us the longest. When you can’t figure out where someone belongs in your heart, they linger in more places than one.
The memories of them slip into your fingers when it’s cold and you remember the way their skin used to feel; they creep down your spine when you’re anxious, jittery, and need someone to talk to; and they slide between your lips when you sound out their name and an “I love you” just to see if it still sounds the way it used to. These memories can drive you crazy if you let them. Mixed with ideas of “what could have been” and you’re guaranteed a long night of reminiscing and regretting.
Maybe things worked out for as long as they should have. Maybe the way things ended is irrelevant. And maybe in another universe, it was the right time for both of you. But we only get this one so allow yourself to love someone else if the opportunity arises: you still deserve to find your perfect person even if it isn’t who you thought was the one. There is always, always more love to give and receive if you let yourself.
P.S. Maybe the perfect person wouldn’t have left you wondering if they were a good or bad experience.
Zain says: Dear Savior,
Maybe it’s time to turn things upside down and consider honestly that you are the one, likely the only one, who can save this boy. He likes The Strokes, which is pretty cool, but he’s also short and he’s also white. The ball’s in your court.
When courting him, I suggest that you help him expand his taste. The Strokes are a great band, but they are a dangerous band to love. Julian Casablancas is one of the most observant songwriters of his time, but he is too interested in other people. If this guy ends up taking the slightest hint of Julian’s advice, he will definitely become a sleazy fuckboy. As a group, they only made one good album, and though that album is a sure fire masterpiece, the story arc for The Strokes is kind of tragic. They fizzled out. Perhaps, so far, the greatest disappointment of the twenty-first century. They maybe drank too much at dive bars and maybe did too much coke in graffiti-cloaked bathrooms.
You can essentially save this boy from eventual embarrassment, or—I don’t know—further embarrassment, by expanding his tastes. Make him a playlist with songs by Lou Reed, The Ramones, and Television then stretch it out by adding some Vampire Weekend, LCD Soundsystem, and—what the hell?—De La Soul. Title it something like “Downtown Express” or “No Bridge, No Tunnel.” Your boy is destined to live in Manhattan, and you can be the first thing he’s enamored by when it comes to the Big Apple. One day, you’ll find yourself sharing a flat in Alphabet City with another couple whose pasty pallor will be alarming and exacerbated by their woefully cooperative neurosis. There will definitely be rats, so get a cat. It all sounds a bit of a nightmare from Los Angeles, but at least you get to say things like “You talkin’ to me?” and “Hey! I’m walkin’ here” in public, which more than makes up for it. The transit is broken but enviable by American standards. There will be loads of money to save without a car. So you can see yourself on a bench by Strawberry Fields in Central Park, weeping over John Lennon’s assassination, dressed to the nines in Barneys, all while you wait for your boy, a man now, to catch a cab from his Madison Avenue office to meet you at the restaurant where you’ve made your anniversary reservation: Tavern on the Green. Just kidding, that place hasn’t existed for over a decade, but make the playlist and the future will be bright.
Ciao!
Dana says: In my senior year of high school, there was this post I kept seeing everywhere ending with, “if we want the rewards of being loved we have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known.” This statement is in too many memes to count nowadays, almost to the point where it’s lost all its meaning. And yet, ever since my eyes strained by lockdowns and college apps glazed over that sentence, I’ve thought about it most weeks.
It feels odd to have certain parts of you be called out. I felt it when my floormates mentioned how fast I walk across campus, when the Southern Lights barista wrote my name on the cup without asking me first, and when I get sent SpongeBob memes by people I rarely talk to. It makes you feel one-dimensional sometimes. Am I really defined by my unconscious traits? The pieces of media I bind myself to? My iced latte order? Obviously, a human being is more than any of those three questions. And if anything, I love how we humans can see love (or passion, or fun, or excitement, if “love” is too strong of a word) in the actions others do.
I see love in my friend meowing back at their cat. I see love in my friend referencing an old video at a yard sale. I see love in my friend carrying an armful of vinyl to the register. I see love in my friend drinking milk with every meal. I see love in my friend sketching a storyboard. I see love in my friend drawing clothes on puppets. I see love in my friend at a protest. I see love in my friend making me quesadillas. I see love in my friend trying a kiwi for the first time.
I’m referencing a different friend in every line of the above paragraph. And sure, some of these aren’t unconscious acts. But I believe anything done with comfort is an act of love.
And acts of love, are the most endearing.
Shayona says: Valentine’s can be a hard day – if you’re single, if your partner doesn’t live up to your expectations, if something goes wrong….it’s tough! However, I have none of those worries for you. This response is the pure joy that Valentine’s should bring. A day to celebrate a person who has made your life all the better by simply existing – and existing with you. I’m so happy and excited that you’ve found someone who makes you feel this way – make sure you hug and kiss them a little bit harder today from all of us at Radio! Happy Valentine’s <3
Audrey says: Valentine’s Day is bound to bring in a hoard of emotions–like long-term love for a partner, platonic love for your friends, and in your case, hope that a recent interest won’t be your last. I’d like to flip the narrative and tell you that one day, I hope you meet someone and you want that someone to be your last. I can completely relate to your sentiment. I spent a lot of time running away from love, consumed by the fear of entrapment while simultaneously outrunning a fear of being alone. Sometimes our relationships can feel like the end of the world, but I know love is not over for you. I don’t believe in one true love, but perhaps you will meet someone and hope that they are your last. Once you make that fateful decision to choose your one and only, all that is left is dedication, hope, and a commitment that transcends time. Happy Valentine’s Day!
Grace says: Honestly, this is one of the most difficult emotions to feel. Ever. Especially with someone you love or think you might love. Some people are natural listeners and observers; waiting for the right moment to say something about their life but feeling like they were left unheard or wasting time when they do. Others are so aloof and unaware. They never notice the silence from the person on the other end of their conversation. It seems as though some people never learned the golden rule as a child: to treat others the way you wish to be treated. As trite as that sounds, it does often dumb down to this fact that many of us yearn for the respect and love we show to others. I wish I could offer a straightforward solution to a problem such as this, but something I’ve learned – that is unfortunately a harsh reality– is the ways in which you operate and converse and care for the people around you is almost never the same as the way others will do to you. Seemingly, there exists a perpetual communication imbalance, especially when it comes to love and finding love as this demands of people to be their most raw, most authentic, and most unselfish self. In this moment, I think it is best to accept that some relationships with some people are going to be like this, and it is often up to you to change how you communicate and demand more from the person who isn’t engaging with you in the way that you deserve.
It is never fair or permissible to allow people to disengage with your life, your stories, your personality, and the idiosyncrasies that encompass your being. My best advice for this is to step out of your shell more. If you want to be known more, you need to be more authentic with the person you hope will know you better. Take all the chances to be your most genuine self, and in a somewhat figurative sense, occupy space and time! Don’t allow the conversation to be centered to just one person and their life, especially if the topic doesn’t lend itself to being that way. Ultimately, if you do all this: share your life, your imperfections, your vulnerabilities, and the other person STILL isn’t listening to you, ask yourself if the relationship you are working so hard to uplift is worth your time and energy. I know this can be a hard truth and not something humans can easily accept. But I think it is incredibly important to truly acknowledge and find your worth within love, rather than allowing them to cause you distress. You are someone totally worth getting to know — just as much as the person you are caring and listening to! Remind yourself that reciprocity is the foundation of a relationship, and know your worth!!!
Kanchan says: My friend, you’ve routed yourself to a destination I’m unfortunately far too familiar with. The Friend Zone.
Firstly, I want to emphasize that this is a completely valid situation to be in and one that the better half of humanity has probably found themselves in. Mutual sparks are such a peculiar thing to navigate, because what truly differentiates a moment from a moment? Just like beauty, it’s all in the eye of the beholder. Let’s say you’re walking with your crush and for a fleeting moment, your palms graze each other. For someone who’s in love, a simple brushing of hands could invoke instantaneous butterflies, that one half a second metamorphosing into an endlessly replayed memory. But someone who isn’t in love may not even think twice about it. Gestures of kindness are a real kicker– surprising you with coffee, walking you home, what the hell does it all mean? Or does it mean anything at all? As a straight woman, if a female friend did the exact same things for me, would I even think twice about it? All of this is to say that sensing a reciprocated vibe is absolutely understandable when you share a close relationship with someone within your dating pool.
So now, for the girlfriend of it all. If you feel hurt, betrayed, confused, lied to, you have the right to! Allow yourself to soak in those emotions. Whether or not the guy intended to lead you on, it is okay to feel led on and you should never, I repeat never invalidate those emotions. As for next steps, I think it’s firstly important to establish a healthy boundary with him, to prevent yourself from feeling any further attachment, and to be respectful of his relationship. And if you ever crave closure on the situation or have the urge to just ask him straight to his face whether there was anything at all from his end, do it. But after they break up! Getting in the middle of his relationship is probably the last thing you want to do in this situation, and although waiting for an answer will feel grueling it will absolutely be worth it to protect your peace.
Joseph says: Situationship, relationship, marriage, dating, friends with benefits, etc. What are all of these things? They’re titles set by society norms that mean a lot more to some people than others, and this is coming from someone who has been in multiple extended situationships. It’s crazy, one would think if you’re happy and proud to be with someone why wouldn’t you want to share that news with the rest of the world? If someones hiding their relationship or not willing to take it to the next level with someone you’d assume they’re either embarrassed or not serious about them, these are things our society has inflicted on us and it doesn’t help with all these random social media relationship gurus telling you that they’re probably cheating on you. I’ve been on both sides of the situationship and I can tell you my friend that being on the side that wants commitment from someone is much more painful than being on the side that doesn’t want to be committed. But these are all labels, they mean nothing at the end of the day and all they are is for one person’s sense of security in who they are in a relationship with. I truly believe If I hadn’t put so much pressure and stress on myself and my former situationship we could have possibly made it, the same way I believe that if I wasn’t so pressured by someone wanting me to commit with them we could have also made it. Shout to my old situationships by the way, y’all are the real MVP’s even though both of you ended up hating everything that had to do with me. But seriously, really think about it, people literally get married, spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on a ceremony, write each other vows and sign legal documents to certify their relationship… Yet in America 50% of marriages still end up in divorce.
Take a breath, realize how amazing your life is, remember all the amazing memories you have with this person and ask yourself if they care about you. In 2024 I promise you posting your partner on social media does not verify your love for someone and using the terminology boyfriend, girlfriend, partner, wifey etc. does not make someone more loyal to you or lessen the chances of someone randomly leaving you one day. As long as you and your partner both care for one another, enjoy spending time with one another and promise to be loyal then what else does one need? You don’t need a piece of paper that is signed by a judge to prove to someone how committed you are to them and neither do you need some sort of title either. If your year with this person has been filled with memories, joy and laughs then keep enjoying the ride my friend, but don’t get me wrong. If they are going out hitting on people, going on dates and leading you on then by all means drop them! But do not let your own thoughts and self doubts ruin your day because of a person who doesn’t know what they want. If a title is something you need then you have every right to go get that from someone else who is willing to give that to you. Best of luck.
